This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
