hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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