cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize