If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
