Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
did i just pee glitter
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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