I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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