Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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