Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
