It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
