Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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