I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You made out with two different species that night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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