pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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