allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
