I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
