Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
