You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
