You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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