watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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