The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
