The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
