I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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