I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
