I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
