And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
