my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
