dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
