Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
