if you like me you must not know who I am
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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