Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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