Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
