you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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