she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
