i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize