Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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