I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
