So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize