Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
