She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
