So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
