i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
