He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
