i already hear my dad disowning me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
