Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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