I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
