I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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