never play flip cup with pint glasses
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
