AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
