He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize