I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Actions speak louder than pants.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
