I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
