I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
