Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
