Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
