A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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