I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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