Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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