Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
