In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
