I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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