Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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