we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
