Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
