She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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