Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
