if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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